Dichotomy
by Diana Winchester-Novak
Summary: (Fem!Dean) If there was ever one thing that meant anything to Deanna, it was Sam. Sam wasn't going to come back. He was going to get married, have a few kids maybe, and live a normal life. Deanna was a hunter and it was all she knew. Lies upon lies- she was good at that. That was what she thought... Until dad went missing. ((Rating may change!))
1. Gone

Gone.

If there was ever one thing that meant anything to Deanna, it was Sam. Yet like everything else in the hunter's life, her baby brother walked out on her. Sam was gone. It hadn't been her secret that drove him away. It wasn't her more then just sisterly affection that made him slam the door in her face. It was their father, but it was Deanna's fault. It was her fault that he was gone.

Take care of Sammy.

Teach Sammy right from wrong.

Watch Sammy.

Protect Sammy.

_"If you walk out that door, don't you /ever/ come back!" Dad warned. There may have been more dialogue, may have been more yelling, but that was all Deanna heard. That, and the motel room door slamming. She ran to the door, to watch Sammy, protect him, care for him, but there came a strangled call from the other side of the room. "Just let him go, Deanna."_

She could have opened the door and ran after him,

but didn't.

She could have taken dad out for a few drinks,

but didn't.

She could have told Sam how much she loved him,

but didn't.

She could have stopped him, gone against orders and ran away with him,

but didn't

For the hunter, there was no reason for being careful anymore. Sam didn't answer her calls or texts or letters. So that was it, he didn't care and Deanna learned to lie to herself and say that she didn't either. She did though, more then anything; however it didn't make any difference.

Sam wasn't going to come back. He was going to get married, have a few kids maybe, and live a normal life. Deanna was a hunter and it was all she knew. Lies upon lies- she was good at that.

Sam was gone and so was Deanna.

Gone.


	2. My Biggest Fear

"Bobby." Deanna spoke as the ringing stopped, "I need to cash in that favor from back in New Orleans."

There was an audible grumble from the other side of the throne, "Wha'daya want, girl? Callin' at this hour."

The blonde stifled a laugh before continuing, her voice immediately gaining a serious tone, "It's only midnight, and you don't seem to be anywhere near dozing. I need to know where Sam is."

"Stanford and leave 'im there. He's happy." Bobby spoke, scolding her for even asking. He took a long sip of his beer and flipped through whatever he was reading.

She sighed, obviously worried, "I need him, Bobby. Dad's missing." Bobby's papers stopped shuffling immediately.

"Alright." He replied quickly, pulling out an address book. "I'll call back in a few hours, you headed out there now?"

Deanna rolled her eyes, not that it made a difference through the phone, "Yeah, I'm in Nevada now." Bobby grumbled a quick goodbye before she disconnected the call and tossing her phone on the seat next to her and drowning out her own thoughts with whatever cassette was in the stereo. It took a few hours for Bobby to get back to him with the address, but he did nonetheless and she pressed down on the gas, still not deciding on whether she was nervous to see him or angry that she had to talk to him after he left.

"Sammy, Sammy, Sammy." Deanna tisked, after noting that a back window was open. With a sigh, she took the entrance and slipped inside, silently as expected, until the door hinges started creaking. 'Son of a bitch...' She cursed mentally, sliding through the small crack. There was a shuffling in one of the other rooms, and Deanna sighed, guessing Sam had heard and was up. Instead it stopped shortly after and the hunter melted against the wall. Her taller brother walked directly at her, peering into the bathroom and noting the open window. Sam sighed, and turned to get closer so Deanna simply ducked into another room, having a bit more fun then she expected.

The floorboards creaking pierced the silence as the elder girl walked across them quickly. Though her feet were silent across the wood, Sam didn't make a damn sound from behind her. _I taught you well. _she thought, hiding the proud smile with a look of utter indifference. Now was not the time to be sentimental. Finding herself in the living room, a rather open space, she slowed, knowing her brother far to well. He lunged forward with a fist, as expected, and had she not turned around and caught the punch, it would have probably knocked her unconscious. Deanna twisted his arm and drove it up his back, her fingers brushing against his spine; however, she loosened the vice grip she held on his wrist when he grunted in what she thought was pain.

He reeled around and though he couldn't see her face, and she couldn't see his, their eyes met. It wasn't something either could visualize because of the darkness but the feeling of nostalgia washed over Deanna. Sam went for another punch, aiming for her stomach. Again, the elder hunter caught the fist and spun them around before pushing Sam out of the room playfully.

Deanna followed him out of the room, stalking him like prey, but letting him rearrange them about the room into what he probably thought was an advantageous positioning. Then, Sam broke the cardinal rule: he went for the face. Deanna knocked away the fist that just skimmed her cheek when she dodged it before hooking her own to his, sending him stumbling backwards with a grunt. Sam quickly regained his footing and went to kick her beneath the chin, but knowing this classic Sammy-shot, she ducked away at the last second and repeated her last hit to his cheek bone.

It was a lucky move for him to move ever so slightly to miss that shot, though Deanna got in a second sharp one to his stomach. The blow was quick at first but slowed just before impact. He grunted again and the elder used the advantage to pin him to the ground: one hand at his throat, the other wrapped around his wrist. "Easy there, tiger." She teased, voice lower then it normally would have been.

"Deanna?!" He exclaimed, struggling against her hands, which she loosened a bit after he coughed ever so quietly, "You scared the crap out of me."

It was still dark, but her classic smirk was visible even in the limited light, "That's cause you're out of practice, Sammy." Deanna replied. Her distraction gave Sam the upper hand and he used her leverage against him and he somehow managed to get on top of her. Deanna wasn't concerned enough to make a big deal out of it though. "Or not." She laughed smugly, and arrogantly, continuing as though those two years had been a mere two minutes, "Now get off of me."

Sam didn't hesitate to get off of his sister and she could only imagine what he had been thinking. After all, it had been two years since they last saw each other and they didn't exactly end on the best of terms. By that, Deanna meant that he slammed a sketchy hotel room door in her face and that wound still stung.

"What are you doing here?" He demanded, earning no more then a smart remark, and a good and thorough once over.

Deanna cracked her back and neck before ruffling her hair and stretching, "Well, if you're offering I thought I'd stop by for a beer, but we seriously need to talk, Sammy."

He groaned and rubbed his temples, "The phone?"

"If I called, would you even have answered?" She snapped, biting her bottom lip nervously, but he didn't answer. Her voice was quiet and empty- businesslike in their case. Sam was quiet and they awkwardly stared at each other for a few moments, odd feelings about the other bubbling in a very unsettling manner. Deanna took a step towards Sam, about to dump the last two years of her baggage on him before she moved her gaze to the floor and remained quiet.

As she was about to speak, there was a quiet mew from across the room and Deanna looked up with a quirked eyebrow, blinking a few times as the lights were flicked on. "Sam...?" The blonde murmured, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

So, there was someone else.


	3. Mom Is Off Limits

Deanna felt a definite twang of jealousy and gave the girl a quick once-over: nice body, not too muscular, blonde, green eyes, light skin- pretty overall.

Sam stumbled over his words, earning a snicker from his sister who shifted her weight and crossed her arms over her chest. "Jess! Hey- uh... Deanna this is my girlfriend, Jessica." The cutie in the smurfs shirt rubbed her eyes and stared for a moment. The younger Winchester turned his attentions back to his sister.

Jess's mind must have added things up because she spoke in total disbelief, "Woah, wait- your sister, Deanna?" She turned to Sam and obviously didn't believe what she was seeing. So, Sam didn't talk about home much. Deanna hadn't exactly expected any less from him, but it still hurt. In their line of work, family was all you had. You didn't have friends. You didn't have stable relationships unless they were as flighty as you yourself were.

When in doubt, be an asshole. "Nice shirt." Deanna grinned, gesturing to the pajama shirt the girl was wearing with a nice "v" cut into it that highlighted the curve of her breasts. Hey. No harm in appreciation. "I love the smurfs." The last bit was an added lie, Deanna had always hated the smurfs and cartoons in general, except for the occasional Disney movie that they would watch at Bobby's. When Sam took a slightly protective stance in front of her, the elder Winchester threw the girl a wink for good measure. The two blushed slightly, Jessica more so, though it was obvious that her brother was extremely uncomfortable in his position because he again shifted nervously. In the tense silence, Deanna looked him over. Still, my Sam. She thought with the twitches of a smile.

"Sure. Well, anyway, I gotta borrow your..." the hunter trailed off, not entirely wanting to acknowledge the fact that her brother was with some girl she didn't know. "Boyfriend...here, and talk about some private family business but uh… nice meeting you." When she raised her eyebrows and met her brother's gaze again, she recognized a flash of defiance and it genuinely scared her.

Sam looked over to Jessica, "No." Of course he had to go and be a stubborn little bitch. "Whatever you want to say- you can say in front of her." Deanna normally would have laughed at the idea of talking about the family business in front of someone that wasn't family, but his serious tone stole the laugh. Why the hell else would she have come? Did he honestly not see that?

"Okay, uhm..." She shrugged not wanting to draw this out, "Dad hasn't been home in a few days." The hunter shoved her hands uncomfortably in her pockets. It was only a matter of time that she broke into his house anyway because two years was just too long.

Sam laughed, wrapping an arm around Jessica's waist. In an extremely bitter voice he answered, "So he's working overtime on a Miller Time shift, he'll stumble back in sooner or later." Deanna had never wanted to punch him more then she did that second, but decided it could wait.

She pursed her lips and raised her eyebrows, nodding slightly before the arrogance reigned in the slight anger, "Dad's on a hunting trip... And he hasn't been home in a few days." The gears visibly turned in Sam's mind and she smiled when he finally made eye contact with her.

"Jess, excuse us. We have to go outside."

Victory. Deanna smirked before walking to the front door of his small apartment and waiting outside. While Sam was doing whatever it was that took him forever, the hunter pulled a box of cigarettes from her pocket and lit one tentatively. She leaned against the brick wall and took a long drag, eyes slipping closed, before she finally expelled the breath and sighed.

"Still with the Marlboros?" He asked in annoyance. Shutting the door as quietly as possible behind him. Deanna sighed, ignoring him. "Anyways, come on, D. You can't just break in, in the middle of the night, and just expect me to hit the road with you."

Deanna pushed off of the wall and headed down the steps. "You're not hearing me, Sammy, dad's missing. I need you to help me find him." She smirked for a half a second when she heard him follow, but the amusement was short lived as he quickly retorted.

"Remember the poltergeist in Amherst? Or the Devil's Gate in Clifton? He was missing then, he's always missing, D, and he's always fine."

The elder stopped, an annoyed expression caressing her features as she turned to face her not so little brother. "Not this time. Not this long. Now, you gonna' come with me or not?" She demanded, tired of playing cat and mouse with him. She wanted an answer and she wanted it now.

Sam looked down at her and with a slight shake of his head, he put his foot down with a stern, "I'm not."

Now was seriously not the time. With a great deal of smug annoyance, she snapped, "Why not?"

"I swore I was done hunting. For good." Was his quick reply as he reciprocated the attitude.

Deanna rolled her eyes, trying to put him off now. "Come on, it wasn't easy but it wasn't that bad." She replied, turning away and continuing down the steps to get out into the cold air.

Again, the younger followed "Yeah? When I told dad I was scared of the thing in my closet he gave me a .45." He all but growled.

"Well what was he supposed to do?"

"I was nine years old! He was supposed to say 'don't be afraid of the dark'."

In disbelief, Deanna turned to face the younger again, snapping "'Don't be afraid of the dark'?! What, are you kidding me? Of course you should be afraid of the dark. You know what's out there!" His face was cloaked in shadows and it was hard to get an accurate measure on what he was doing.

"Yeah. I know, but still the way we grew up after mom was killed, and dad's obsession to find the thing that killed her, but we still haven't found the damn thing. So we kill everything we can find." He met her gaze and tried to get her to see, but whatever he was thinking was lost to Deanna.

"And we save a damn lot of people doin' it too." She argued smugly, resisting the urge to shove him away as he took a faltering step closer. Sam laughed sarcastically before staring down at her.

"You think mom would have wanted this for us?"

That was a line he knew better than to cross. Deanna stuffed her hands into her pockets before turning on her heels and clicking out of the building. Sam struck a nerve and he knew it. Just when she thought it was over, he followed her outside despite the ignorantly slammed door. "The weapon training? And the melting the silver into bullets? Deanna, we were raised like warriors." He continued.

The impala sat there as an anchor and she leaned against the hood, relaxing as the cool metal hit her denim clad legs. "So what are you gonna do? Gonna live some normal, 'apple-pie life'? Is that it?" She asked.

Sam, always quick to respond, answered shortly, "No. Not normal. Safe."

"And that's why you ran away?" She scoffed, raising her eyebrows and looking away not before crossing her arms over her chest.

Similarly, he snorted. "I was just going to college. It was dad who said if I was gonna go, that I should stay gone." A pause. "And that's what I'm doing."

"Yeah. Well dad's in real trouble right now, and if he's not dead already, I can feel it. I can't do this alone." Deanna admitted, kicking a stone on the ground.

Sam watched her, and she didn't need to look up to know this. Deanna felt his eyes combing over her as he spoke disbelievingly, "Yes you can."

Deanna kept her gaze down, and leaned more against her baby. "Yeah, well... I don't want to."

After a short and tense silence, Sam sighed and hooked a finger under her chin to force their gazes. Her heart warmed and she pressed away the feeling, and jerked her chin away. Sam looked down himself and let out a breath before mumbling, "What was he hunting?"


End file.
